THE MISTAKES IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT YOU CAN AVOID

So, you have gotten past the initial dating stage and are now in a “serious relationship?” This stage could be the best or worst part of your life depending on how you proceed. I am coming at this topic with a five-year (and counting) relationship experience with many highs and lows. I believe that you can learn from my mistakes and triumphs and not fall into these common relationship mistakes. Enjoy!

  • Getting used to your friends with lies that don’t make sense could destroy your relationship. I learned not to lie in my relationship in the hard way. I’m not talking about big lies that can scatter things o but I’m talking about those lies that you think don’t matter. You see them as small lies that really don’t deserve attention but do you know that they can turn into a big deal in your relationship? In short, LIE NOT (no matter how small it is) in your relationship. Tell your partner the absolute truth. Let him or her know and be confident that they are safe with you. Let him or her feel totally secure. You can do it
  • Losing romance in a relationship is one of the key reasons why relationships fail. It is easy to become complacent and slack on making an effort for romance. As young believers, we are thought not to use romantic words while in a relationship. I want to tell you that being romantic does not have to do with sex and sinning against God. Be romantic in your use of words. The truth is, the relationship is a big work/class. Just as you learn to do other things in your life, you need to take time to learn relationships just before you find yourself there, read books, and be absolutely prepared. Not that you won’t have any fun along the way, but you need to remember it takes a focused effort to keep being romantic with your partner.
  • Trying to control our significant other: Many of us either have control issues or things that the other person does that drive us out of our minds. Both of these scenarios can lead to us wanting to control or comment on every move the other person makes. Think about it though, would you like someone telling you what to do every waking minute? You are not this person’s parent. If he/she is a grown adult, treat them like one. Of course, there is room for communicating your opinion but try to avoid sounding like a controller.
  • Expecting perfection: We are all human. We all make mistakes. Do not hold your significant other to some unrealistically high expectation. This is especially hard for those of us who hold unrealistically high expectations for ourselves, but that’s another topic altogether. I use to say, your partner’s imperfections are your project to work on, don’t leave him or her to it. Our heart of arrogance and not being tolerance makes us feel we are always right and the only one perfect in the relationship. Try to know why your partner do whatever he or she is doing. Stop complaining, you are not perfect either.
  • Avoiding confrontation: Fighting is not the way most of us want to spend our relationship, when you always try to confront and not communicate every time, it will ultimately end up in an explosive argument, or a parting of ways with the other person baffled as to what went wrong. Communication is huge in any relationship and should not be avoided. Try as much as you can to communicate not confront all the time.
  • Fighting about everything: On the opposite end of the spectrum, do not make everything an argument. Think and talk about all of the problems you have with your partner and really consider whether these are deal breakers or if you can build a bridge and get over them. It’s not everything that happens in your relationship that worth breakup. Your impatient and not been thoughtful enough could be what created your last breakup. Calm down and prayerfully make your decision.
  • Trying to change the other person: In relationship, we need to realize we are unique individuals. Often, we are drawn to someone who is completely opposite to us and after a while we can be tempted to try to change them to be the same as us. Take a step back and remember why you fell in love with this person in the first place. So many times, my fiancé does some things that really get to me but I have to remember that I love her for being caring so much and that she has such a positive outlook on life. Whatever she does are just for the moment. That’s not who she is.
  • Keeping secrets from your partner: This is something that goes along with keeping communication open—do not keep secrets. Not that you have to tell the other person every minute detail about your life, but you should not intentionally keep something major from them. You know it is a secret that needs to be shared when you feel even slightly guilty for not telling them. It will come out eventually and sooner is always better than later. You don’t need to hide what you know could escalate and make you lose the person you love.
  • Not taking time for yourself and being too co-dependent: If you spend every waking moment with your significant other, you will ultimately lose who you are as an individual. Things like going to the store on your own will be hard and you will find yourself consulting that person for every small decision you make. Take some time to do what you love. Have your own hobbies, interests, and friends. You will both benefit from this and have a richer life as a result.
  • Not taking differences in core values seriously: Even though you like the same music and enjoy spending time with one another, you will still have a hard time getting past major differences. Core values include things like morality, and the importance of things like family, friends, career, and money. Take some time to discuss these things before you move your relationship forward or you might be in for disappointment later. They are very important darling.
  • Not talking about money or savings: Money is always a tricky subject. You might have come from different backgrounds. If one person grew up wanting for nothing and the other has always had to pinch pennies, there may be some disagreements over how money is spent. If you are in a serious relationship, even if you have separate money, be sure to discuss these things as money issues are guaranteed to come up eventually. Agree on things to spend on, when to spend, and how to spend collectively.
  • Forgetting to appreciate your partner: Lastly, never forget to tell your partner, “thank you” or “I love you.” At the beginning of the relationship, you surely noticed all kinds of things that he/she was doing for you and praised him/her accordingly. You said you loved each other all of the time. Sometimes we forget how awesome the other person is until we think about it. Tell your partner right now how you feel about him or her. Always say it out. Keeping quiet when you ought to appreciate your partner is never a sign of maturity.

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